For those that may not have heard by now, the pillows have disbanded.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted here but of course when this news hit, it brought up a lot of feelings and memories.
Like so many, I found the pillows through the original FLCL series. A friend in college insisted I watch it, and when I heard the closing credits song, ‘Ride on Shooting Star’, the energy captivated me like nothing else had before. I sought out the pillows’ music through the questionable file sharing tools of the day (present day me has put plenty of money into legit merch, not to worry). The English didn’t always make sense but it didn’t matter. After getting my hands on Smile and subsequently Thank You, My Twilight, I was truly hooked. Their songs were in constant rotation on my little mp3 player as I strolled and rolled around campus.
I was also taking Japanese classes and eventually started trying to translate lyrics as a way to practice. I was delighted by what I found in the lyrics. There were songs of joyous love, of unrequited love, of loneliness and longing, and of pure unadulterated joie de vivre. Even without the lyrics, these emotions are still conveyed in a way that is only possible in music, but understanding the lyrics deepens the emotional impact. To share lyrics and info with other English speaking fans, I eventually decided to put together a little website called ‘instant music’.
Seeing the pillows perform in concert in Japan quickly became a dream goal for me. I told a boyfriend at the time I would be thrilled just to see them once in concert – in his youthful prescience, he challenged me to see them as many times as I could. I laughed it off.
After college, I planned a trip to Japan coincidentally around when the pillows’ 15th anniversary concert was happening. It seemed like I would just be a sad sad kiddie, I wasn’t able to get a ticket in advance as the show was sold out. I went to the venue anyway to try my luck and like two beautiful suns, a pair of kind girls found me and sold me their extra ticket. I rushed into the venue, bought tour shirts and proceeded to soak up every song and all the banter I could only partially understand. It was an amazing experience, being completely awash in the music while standing shoulder to shoulder in a sea of eager fans pumping their fists at the shining beacons on stage. If you’ve been to a concert for a band you really love, you know this feeling.
I figured this was a one-off that I’d only repeat if I went to Japan again. Regardless, I sent a letter in Japanese to their management to let them know they had fans in the US, in vain hope of an overseas visit. I can’t say for sure how much that letter gave impetus for a tour, but my mind was absolutely blown when I received an email from one of their managers to announce a US tour. All our good dreams had come true.
I finagled a ticket to their industry preview concert at SXSW (South by Southwest) thanks to a nice lady on a SXSW forum, and got to see them up close and personal at their very first US performance. I could hardly believe it, I was able to walk right up to them and ask for a photo. And I saw them again at their main SXSW show with a wild, enthusiastic crowd. They all brought an amazing energy to the stage- Yoshiaki bouncing, Sawao strutting with his guitar, Shin pounding away on the drums and Jun laying down the bass. To our collective amazement, they returned to tour the US again, and again. They even went to Mexico. I am incredibly lucky that I was able to go to every US tour, every show was absolute magic. I’m grateful I got to see them again in Japan for the 30th anniversary, with a whole group of fans. I’m also grateful to have a spouse who understands my craziness and even had the privilege to pee next to Sawao at SXSW. Admittedly I did throw him some pillows music when we first started dating to make sure he would like them.
I don’t know that there will be another band in my life that will inspire this level of devotion in me. My life gets busier and my priorities have changed, but the pillows have an irreplaceable home in my heart. It really felt like I’d lost a loved one when I heard they’d officially said bye bye, sweet pain. I just blithely assumed they’d be around for at least several more years and probably have a farewell tour.
While the pillows may be no more, the community lives on. I’ve enjoyed hearing the stories of the lengths other fans have gone to catch a show, seeing the talent in cover videos and the cover contests (I’m even finally practicing guitar now) and more. I’m not the most outgoing person but I met many people I would not have otherwise via the fan community, and was introduced to even more great music.
I’m still happy I have the memories and DVDs of all the amazing shows (former bf was right). I’m sorry that some of you did not get the chance to see them live but hope that you find other bands to love and see perform.
Although the world will still spin along and dry our tears, and their form no longer remains, the pillows still leave their music as a light for us. ❤️
